I started my working life aged 14 at the local pub where I waited on tables, quickly I progressed to kitchen assistant. Even though I was only 14 I loved the sense of responsibility, independence and of course the £40 cash that I’d have to spend on whatever I wanted at the end of the week! £40 was a lot of money 20 years ago.
As soon as I left school I applied for my first full time job; aged just 16 I began working in an internet bank. I was without a doubt, the youngest person who worked there, but again I loved the sense of independence working life brought me and I thrived bring in an adult environment. Working full-time from such a young age definitely set me up for the future that would follow and gave me a set of life skills I’d be sure to utilise as an adult.
Whilst all my friends were attending college lectures a few hours a week here and there, I was up and out the door working eight hour days, five days a week. After a few years in customer service I applied for my university place to study theatre nursing. During my studies I was once again working full-time at my local hospital and any spare time was spent revising for exams or writing assignments. After three years of sheer hard work and determination, I qualified, and a career within healthcare was mapped out in front of me.
My mum and sister had excelled at their careers within healthcare, climbing their career ladders at lightening speed and I was determined that I too would do the same. With nursing such a large part of my upbringing, I assumed that this would be the vocation that I’d dedicate my life to, never imagining that anything would be quite as important as my job and career. This feeling soon became a distant memory when in October 2010 I gave birth to our first child.
Suddenly my vocation and role had changed, my job was now that of a mother and as most would agree, the most important job in the world.
Once you become a mum your entire outlook on life is different to how it ever was before. Your once sought-after career no longer features in your day-to-day priorities and the thought of leaving said baby to go back to work five days a cannot even be comprehended. Once we started our family I never did work full-time again and my new title of “part-time-working-mum” was born.
To outsiders, the part-time working mum really does have the best of both worlds. She is still able to maintain a career and contribute financially to her family whilst spending quality time and being actively involved in the upbringing of her children. The part-time working mum has it all, this opinion could really not be more WRONG!
The part-time working mum is expected to fulfil her many tasks both maternally and professionally to the same levels as before, just in a fraction of the time she actually had to do it previously. Literally feeling as if she has to split herself into two halves. If any of the children are unwell, guess who’s expected to take the day off and play nurse for the day? The part time working mum of course. When the school is shut for snow day, childcare never falls to the full time working dad does it!?
People assume that a day off for the part-time working mum is spent drinking coffee with other part-time working mums, when in fact the reality is this: The “days off” are spent jamming in as many household jobs as humanly possible between the school hours of 9.30 and 2.30. The endless tasks of washing, cleaning, food shopping are still expected of her as well as preparing ahead for the days in work that are to follow. “Days off” can be spent cooking up as many batch meals as possible, which (let’s face it) will barely be touched by your little darlings who would much rather be served a beige concoction of chicken nuggets and chips every night of the week rather than your loving prepared home cooked hidden veg lasagne!
Before your day’s work even begins you’ll likely feel that you’ve already actually completed it. After waking up at ridiculous o’ clock to start the morning routine of getting the kids ready for school, preparing breakfast as well as attempting to tidy up the morning chaos (so you aren’t greeted with it upon your return that evening) you’ll already feel like you’ve completed the day’s work before you’ve even seen 9AM!
After finishing work and collecting the grumpy over-tired children, the day’s work will start all over again whilst you attempt bath times, homework and yet more washing and cleaning.
If you’ve remembered to get the trusty pre-cooked lasagne out the freezer during the mornings chaos, you’ll feel like you’re winning at life! Once dinner has been consumed (and by consumed, I mean you’ve spent the last half an hour persuading your children into eating not even a quarter of your lovingly prepared lasagne) begins the mammoth task of the post-dinner kitchen clean up.
Your husband has, by this point, arrived home from work to his home cooked nutritious meal lovingly presented on the table for him, children bathed and house clean he can enjoy a carefree evening, which will no doubt be spent scrolling through annoyingly loud videos on his phone or taking lengthy toilet trips at well-timed intervals (namely the start of the bedtime routine!) Leaving you to tackle yet another task alone. All the while, the part time working mum will resemble a walking zombie now having worked what feels like her third shift of the day.
Once the children have eventually gone to bed and all is prepared for the following day, the part-time working mums evening can finally commence. It’s time to pour herself a glass of well-earned wine and finally catch up on the six weeks of Eastenders episodes she’s not yet had the time or energy to watch. Within ten minutes I can guarantee the part-time working mum will have fallen asleep…
In all seriousness, as an actual part-time working mum (or now as I like to call it a part-time working mumbler!) I absolutely acknowledge how lucky I am to be able to maintain both a career I enjoy and family life as well.
I acknowledge how hard my husband works and how utterly daunting it must be to have to take-on the financial burden of always being the breadwinner. In addition, I recognise the fact that he has sacrificed his own time with the children so that I am able to be with them. Despite his annoyingly loud and irrelevant phone scrolling or thirty minute strategically timed toilet trips, I do take my hat off to him and all full-time working parents, they are in fact superheroes too.
I’m sure other part-time working parents can relate to the constant feeling of spinning a hundred different plates in the air and balancing the mental load. There is constantly a need to be one step ahead, always thinking and planning what’s next and mentally ticking off our many to do lists in our heads. Whose dentist appointment is it tomorrow? Or what time is parents evening next week ? Dont forget to make tomorrow’s pack lunch or pick up a pint of milk in the morning. Whilst at the same time trying to fulfil your full career potential.
Sometimes it feels impossible to excel at both and I often feel the sense that perhaps I’m not giving 100% to either of my “jobs”. I flit between wanting to be a successful full time career person again, being financially independent just as I was in my younger child-free days, to feeling scared at just how quickly time is passing and wanting to give up work entirely to soak up my children and be a stay-at-home mum.
I don’t think any of the three options the primary care-givers (male or female) have are particularly easy and I know that I have friends who probably think I have it pretty easy doing my part time hours whilst they are out working full-time Monday to Friday trying to cram everything in to their precious evenings & weekends.
So whether you’re a part-time working, full-time working or stay at home, life definitely isn’t easy for anyone bringing up children. Each role has its pros and its cons and when all is said and done, you can only do what is right for you and your family.
For me life is precious and for as long as I can do, I will continue to work part-time until there is a point the kids no longer need me in the same way they do now and at that point my career will be right there, where I half left it almost 13 years ago.
For now though I’ll continue to keep spinning those 100 plates in the air and I’ll continue to waste two hours on my day off making that home cooked lasagna that nobody even likes 😄 🤣
